BUILDING STRONG BONDS WITH OUR CHILDREN

BY ELDER KELVIN ZHU

It’s the school holiday season for our young ones. How are the parents in our midst spending time with them?

I was recently asked to share with fellow fathers who were participating in a Father-and-Son Boys’ Brigade Camp for our 57th Company in Pei Hwa Presbyterian Primary School. I started off by sharing that I am in no way the most qualified or experienced father in the room, and I certainly do not claim to have the strongest bond with my children. Our diverse family circumstances shape the ways in which we navigate this rewarding journey of fatherhood.

Nonetheless, I took the opportunity to share with them five points that I have found useful to build bonds with my own children. I hope this will be useful to you too.

Bond through play. I shared with them that the fact we took deliberate steps to spend the overnight camp with our sons was a wonderful way to strengthen bonds with our sons. By doing that, we are stepping into our children’s world. Play, such as the activities and games in a camp setting, is a central and vital part of their lives.

Understand our child’s primary love language. As Gary Chapman highlights in his book on the “5 Love Languages of Children”, discovering your child’s primary love language allows you to effectively communicate love. Out of the five love languages of (1) words of affirmation, (2) physical touch, (3) receiving gifts, (4) quality time, and (5) acts of service, do you know your child’s primary love language? Online survey questionnaires are readily available to help you discern it. Express your love through their primary love language, and be amazed how effectively their “love tank” can be filled.

Instil parent-child routines. Routines serve as pillars of continuity, predictability, and emotional connection in a parent-child relationship. Beyond offering a structured framework, they create valuable opportunities for communication, building memories and imparting of life skills to their children.

Lead a loving relationship with your spouse. A loving relationship with your spouse plays a pivotal role in cultivating a positive environment for the child’s growth. This relationship not only serves as a model for children to observe what positive interactions and communication means, but it also provides a model to learn effective conflict resolution.

Define boundaries, rules and consequences. Establishing boundaries, rules, and consequences extends beyond mere discipline. It is a constructive way to guide a child's behaviour, foster a sense of responsibility, and lay the foundation for a positive and nurturing parent-child relationship.

It is my prayer that you will continue to intentionally B.U.I.L.D. strong bonds with your children. This will prove invaluable in your parenting journey.

“3 Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.
4 Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. 5 How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!

He will not be put to shame when he confronts

his accusers at the city gates.” – Psalm 129:3-5 (NLT)